Helloooo senior year!

Enrollment is today! Today! TODAY! :]]]]
I'm going to be a senior and it's the craziest thing ever. One year and then I'm off to college to begin my life. Not that I haven't already begun it. Everyone says that , "My life begins after high school" but maybe we're looking at it wrong. If we just let these days fly by what will we have to look back on? If you think about, youth is the time we reconcile on. Adults think back to their teen years and wish to relive them. What have they done so long that they need a second chance? I think we need to take risks now...don't necessarily go cliff diving or anything like that--but live and love and never forget. If we forget, then we have wasted our life. Even the bad memories need to be remember because those are the ones that made us stronger.
Speaking of memories, I was cleaning out the VHS drawer the other day. I never realized how many home movies we have! They all end when I was about six (I have no idea why) but I love watching them. Now, I must admit-I was freaking adorable as a child. I watched one where it was me and my cousins, Sarah and Dylan. I had forgot about his rat tail..lol. We were at my grandma's house and we were playing with the toy cars (they were legit). It's funny to look back and realize how different everything has become. Back then everything was so simple, life had worries but mommy and daddy were there to protect us and help. I want to know where that transition is? What age are we suppose to "know" how to handle things...and at that point, how do we show it to the youngsters.
It was weird watching the video because the next clips were of my third birthday and Christmas. Mom, Dad, Holly, Justin, Mammaw, Pappaw, Jojo, and Aunt Emily were there. I realized how empty holidays are now. Of my family members that were there, only five are here to wish me happy birthday or open presents at Christmas. It seems as if my life is partially empty after they left.
After Pappaw died, I never had time to heal before Dad...sometimes things are too deep to scar over-they just never heal.
It's been difficult going through high school without them. Dad was the genius in the family and it would've been great to have his help in my classes. And just the advice I never got from him. You know my brother and sister were out of school by the time he left. They learned all they could from him but I was just beginning.
Since then I've latched onto people, in a sense. I try and surround myself with as many friends as I can even though I know they may as well hurt me in the end. But thats life, huh? We're always hurt by the ones we love.
This is why I'm ready for college. A new beginning. I know I still have over a year till then but it's coming up and I'm ready. Even when we "have a new beginning", we still have old ties and such when we stay were we are. I love this town but I need to get out.
This summer is going to be amazing and I'm going to get all I can out of next year but I know I'm getting my "new beginning" and I'm ready for it.